Heeeeere Weeeee Gooooo!!!

Growing up I enjoyed being an only child; I didn't have to compete for attention with anyone, I didn't have to fight over which room I had or who I had to share a room with, all the presents went to me at Christmas...life was great!  And then came along my little brother when I was in fifth grade...what a life changer!  But I really enjoyed being a big sister, and I started wondering why my parents hadn't thought of this whole 'having another kid' thing earlier! 

Come to find out years down the road they had...a lot.  My mother and three of my aunts suffered through years of infertility, and some were not able to ever conceive even with the help of fertility drugs.  I knew I had a long road ahead of me before I was even married.  I tried to stay positive and think that it might 'skip a generation' or that 'I'd be the lucky one' and not have any issues.  But after a year and a half of 'trying' the good old-fashion way and many, MANY pee-covered negative pregnancy tests staring me in the face in my bathroom, I realized I'd met the same infertility-fate as my mother and aunts had.  I knew I had to do something soon, as it took my mother over 9 years to successfully conceive after having me - and I don't want to be having children in my forties (sorry mom!).  So off to the doctors we went! 

Long story short, nothing simple worked and given my family history and all my own problems handed to me, we're starting the process of IVF today!  It's not as easy as it sounds getting this far, trust me!  We started seeing the fertility doctor in January of this year and I just started my first shot tonight.  I have friends that have been trying long before we had to conceive naturally and they're still on the first step of meds.  Thankfully I live in a state that mandates insurance companies cover fertility treatments so we were able to not only get in quickly, but four rounds of IVF are covered at 100%! 

Now that all the details of my personal story are out of the way, I want to share a few feelings I have about infertility itself.  For some reason society has deemed infertility one of those 'taboo' subjects that must not be discussed...kind of like Voldemort in Harry Potter; "The Disease That Must Not Be Named".  Well I'm ripping the bandaid off and discussing it, and if you don't like it, or think I should keep things like this to myself...well, when you go through something as stressful and draining as infertility, then you can handle it any way you like! (and you probably won't want to read my blog anymore!) ;-) 

I know many people out there don't know what it's like to experience infertility and don't know how to approach someone going through this process. That's understandable, and all support is welcome, but please keep in mind all of us infertiles out there hear the same thing from all of you able to have children just when you think about having one.  "Just relax, it'll happen when you least expect it"...I've heard this so many times I want to puke!  I know you mean well, but relaxing won't unblock my fallopian tube!  "You're so young, you have nothing to worry about!"...please, please, PLEASE don't think that just because I'm 26 doesn't mean I want this any less than someone who is 40 and going through the same thing.  Yes, I'm 'young', but if this whole situation works out the first go-around I won't have the baby until I'm 27, and where I'm from, a lot of women are finished having babies by that time!  I've even had a doctor tell me that "a puppy would be easier!"...are you kidding me?! 

So yes, I'm only 26 and I'm taking charge of my body and my wants and doing something about it...and damnit, I'm going to have a baby one way or another!  Watch out world...the Wagners will be adding a member to their family sooner or later!

Until next time, keep me and my husband in your thoughts, and wish for minimal bruising and mood swings from the injections (that second one is more for my husband's sake!)